Here Lies Tetsuya
by Insanity under the moonlight
Summary: It was supposed to be a good day. (Nigou is hit by a car and Tetsuya doesn't cope well.) Warnings inside.


(That's so odd, my original notes vanished?)

Warnings: Animal death, graphic descriptions of injuries, panic attacks and dissociation

* * *

It's a nice day outside.

That is his idle thought as he walks home from practice with Nigou trotting happily by his heels. The breeze is light, the sun in pleasantly warm and the sky is picturesque with fluffy white clouds. Homework is already completed and practice has left a satisfying ache in his muscles. It's been a good day.

The steady rhythm of thuds is the only sound of note aside from his feet scuffing the sidewalk and Nigou's claws clicking against the hard surface. The basketball in his hands is starting to bald but there's still enough grip left that he isn't concerned about it slipping from his grasp and rolling into the road, or something less catastrophic. Not that there were many cars driving by at the moment, but it was good to be vigilant with an unleashed dog that had a habit of chasing said ball. Speaking of which, Kuroko was glad he had chosen to dress Nigou in the white version of his uniform rather than the black one Riko made to match. It wasn't dangerously hot even with the jersey and he had made sure the dog had had a long drink before setting off to trek home under the beaming sun, but he like to be sure that Nigou was alright.

He was…Nigou was important to him.

He's never had a real pet before. Sure there's the small koi pond in his backyard but fish hardly count as pets. He could definitely see why dogs were called man's best friend, he'd only found him about nine months ago and he already couldn't picture life without him. He was the loyal kind of dog that would follow their owner anywhere, and it would be sad to go back to being…alone.

He knows his parents love him and so does his grandmother, but they're never home and his grandmother has grown frail over the last few weeks. He tries not to think about it, all the things that are hanging precariously in his life and tries to focus on the constants, the things he knows will be there when he wakes up in the morning. Like basketball and Nigou.

The sidewalks are empty of other commuters and aside from the occasional vehicle cruising down the road, the neighbourhood is quiet and calm. As he approaches a crosswalk he spies a car coming down the road, small and a nondescript silver colour with windows tinted enough for him to be unable to clearly distinguish the driver from this distance. It has a fair amount of speed, probably just short of illegality but he doesn't worry too much about it since there's a stop sign at their end of the intersection and as pedestrians, he and Nigou have the right of way. As they reach about the middle of the street he's quick to note that the car slowed down.

Not stopped.

One couldn't even call in a rolling stop if they were feeling generous. The drive simply slowed down a considerable amount near the stop sign, and then probably after a quick glance to confirm there was no oncoming traffic from the left and right, revved back up to that daring speed _while he and Nigou were crossing._

As the car come hurdling towards them he gets a quick flash of insight and wants to kick himself. Just the fact that this person was in such a rush was enough to make them inattentive to regular pedestrians, but combined with his lack of presence he didn't even blip on this person's radar. Nigou was still a growing puppy, he was so small Tetsuya was certain he was below this maniac's level of sight as well. He really should have just let them speed past. This is what he gets for having faith in strangers.

He doesn't even tell his body to leap out of the way. Like a hand on a hot burner he just barely manages to jerk himself out of the way, cushioning his dive with his hands and gym bag. Absently he wonders if this is how Aomine feels when makes all of those ridiculous shots - a puppet to his adrenaline, just controlled by instinct - before he comes back to himself. To his horror he still hears a thud, a yelp, a sickening **pop** and cracking glass.

His eyes automatically train on his would-be killer to see that they've come to a screeching halt just past the crosswalk they'd been using. They idled just a moment before peeling off at even greater speeds and Tetsuya is _infuriated that this asshole learned nothing from almost running down-_

Nigou.

He whips around in a panicked circle to find a sight more horrifying than he even had time to imagine. Nigou. His sweet, precious, far too young Nigou was half crushed flush against the pavement. His eyes are watering and all he can do is squeak out half aborted screams of terror as he takes it all in, the _blood-_

He wasn't as lucky as his owner, his whole hind end has been run over by the vehicle, disfigured and oozing blood from the spots where bone had surely punctured through skin. That distinct **pop** he heard was surely Nigou's bones splintering under the weight of the car, his pelvis and legs rendered similar to half-filled sausage casings. He retched just barely managing to keep his stomach contents down when he sees that Nigou's skin had split open under the pressure, and his intestines or some kind of indistinguishable organ was peeking out. His pristine white fur and uniform were getting soaked in red and he didn't know what to do besides _panic._

Then he heard a soft, high-pitched keening.

Oh god.

Nigou was still alive.

He didn't know if he was overjoyed or sickened by the thought because at least there was a chance to save him, but Tetsuya had no idea how to help him, not with injuries this severe. Nigou was probably going to die a painful death. Tetsuya gave his hair a rough tug with both hands before he dropped to his knees by Nigou's head, it scraped up his legs but it couldn't even be considered painful compared to his friend's suffering. His hands hovered over the dog, twitching unsurely because _what the fuck was he supposed to do?!_

There was an animal clinic about three blocks back but he knew it would be impossible to just peel him off the road and sprint with him in his arms. He then briefly thought of running there on his own but he probably wouldn't make it back in time, even if they did give him a lift back here. He didn't want to leave Nigou alone there on the road where any passing car could think he was roadkill, and maybe even not bother to go around-

He can't do it.

Were you allowed to call 119 for this kind of thing? This seemed like a good emergency. It was life or death. A hit-and-run. Those were things 119 dealt with right?

But he still had a niggling feeling that 119 wouldn't exactly send an ambulance to his location because Nigou was _just a dog,_ which was bullshit because he wasn't _just_ a dog. He was a living thing with so much more life to live, and he wouldn't stop whimpering and crying in pain. He was trying to reign himself in to make a plan of action but he couldn't smooth out his shuttering breaths or clear his eyes of the tears that were starting to pour out.

He had to call someone because he couldn't just sit there and listen to Nigou's laboured breathing until it stopped and watch the blood pool until it congealed. Pulling his phone out of a pocket in his shorts, he opens up his contacts and looks for Midorima's name with blurred vision and trembling fingers. The dial tone has never sounded longer, a lethargic _beeeeep_ as it took its sweet time connecting.

" _I'm really sorry but- Tetsu-kun?"_

Momoi? Why does she have- never mind that.

"M-Midorima, is he there?!" He's panting into the phone as if he's in the middle of a marathon and it certainly feels like it from the way his chest burns.

" _N-No, we're playing against Kaijo today remember? Is everything okay?"_ She sounds rightfully worried and now that he listens a little harder he could hear the shouts and cheers of a game. Fuck, he must have called her by accident. Their contact names were rather close together, it was just fortunate he didn't call Murasakibara or Mitobe-senpai.

"I-I- Nig- I-" He can't help but snarl into the phone, frustrated at his own useless sputtering while Nigou tries to move. Clearly straining his neck to reach his free left hand that isn't clutching his phone like a lifeline.

" _What? T-Tetsu-kun, breathe. You need to calm down as much as you can, and tell me what's going on- This is important, I'll be right back!"_ That last part didn't sound like it was directed at him, and the muddled noises on her end die down as she probably leaves the courtside to somewhere quieter.

He puts his hand in front of the pup's muzzle to save him the herculean effort and the dog rewards him with a kitten lick that stains the palm of his fair skin a light pink. He makes a gagging noise right into the phone and all he can do for a moment is force his hand to remain by Nigou's face for his comfort and not actually vomit. "…C-Car, Nigou…I-I, blood!" She's a smart girl, if she can decipher the words blurted out between the ragged gasps and the stuttering he's certain she'll come to the right conclusion.

A sharp gasp and for one second she's speechless. _"Oh my god! Are you okay?! Where are you?"_

He doesn't know the street name off the top of his head but thankfully there's a sign back at the end of the sidewalk attached to a streetlight.

" _That's a long street, are there any landmarks?"_

That momentarily takes the wind out of his sails and he feels significantly less hopeful about his quick burst of ingenuity. A swift scan of his surroundings allows his eyes to lock onto a modest park not too far down the road.

(He also accidentally locates his forgotten basketball down the road resting at the curb, and for a moment he feels a flash of savage glee that it probably damaged the assailant's windshield.

Then he feels gnawing anger, hungry for real retribution.

Then renewed fear and urgency when Nigou presses his wet nose to his hand and he's reminded of his mission.)

" _Ah, I know where that is! I can get there in fifteen minutes or so!"_ That's not soon enough. She definitely won't make it in time.

"Wh-what do I _do_?" His voice cracks and it would have been embarrassing any other time, he doesn't even like crying in front of his own family but he's already snivelling into Momoi's ear and all dignity is out the window with his nose drippings dangerously close to his mouth.

" _Um…I'm not a vet Tetsu-kun but, ah…I think regular first-aid procedures will be okay. One sec!"_ This was why he wanted Midorima. He wasn't exactly a veterinarian either but at least he was much more familiar with medical emergencies. Not to say that Momoi didn't know a thing or two, but most of her knowledge is theoretical. _"Sorry, back! Keep him still. And warm. Try to stop any bleeding? How hurt is he?"_

How the hell is he supposed to stop the bleeding? He can't even tell where the blood is coming from, he's too afraid to look at Nigou's lower half again but he can imagine the mangled mess just fine. Doesn't even want to think about pushing those innards back in if such a thing would even be helpful. "His, his legs! They're crushed! A-and I think his abdomen is open!" He can't apply pressure without significant pain if that would even be effective. All he can picture is his attempt to staunch some of the bleeding ending in him pushing some bone fragments into his other organs and causing the hemorrhaging to increase exponentially.

" _Oh my god…um! Ah!"_ She's flustered, and he can imagine the way her fingers are tangling her hair as she twists the locks and bites her lip in worry. _"I…don't think there's… really anything you can do…maybe not even a doctor..."_ She trails off.

It's the worst thing she can say aside from wishing death on Nigou herself. He knows it wrong and that she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment but he abruptly hangs up on her. His arm is tired from holding the phone to his ear and he could be helping Nigou. She knows where to find him now and she has nothing else to offer.

He's immeasurably glad he chose to wear his sweater today despite Kagami's teasing. It was warm but not too hot to use as protection from the sun's rays and now he can use it to blanket Nigou. The air feels colder on his now exposed arms compared to his hot face, red and blotchy and generally looking disgusting coupled with his puffing eyes and running nose.

His grey cotton sweater soaks up the blood like a sponge, mopping up the pool that had been collecting around Nigou. Speckles of red were seeping through the fabric already and slowly growing in radius over the dog's still weeping wounds. Throwing a sweater over him really didn't seem like it was doing any good but he hoped it was at least comforting since that was apparently all he could offer. He was still reeling, shaking, sobbing in the middle of the road and it was fortunate there hadn't been any oncoming cars yet because he doesn't know how he would react.

In the momentary lull of action Tetsuya takes a moment to rifle through his gym bag (somehow still slung over his shoulder in all the commotion) and pulls out a towel. It's damp from his shower and just a bit smelly from being placed with his sweaty clothes but in lieu of a tissue it works fine. The terry cloth material is rough on his sensitive face but he still scrubs none too gently and blows his nose clear of mucus before carelessly shoving it back into his bag where he can deal with it later.

Nigou's jaws are slightly parted revealing his pink-stained little teeth and his usually curled tail is lying flat and still on the pavement. But it's his eyes that worry Tetsuya the most. They're half-lidded and distant, staring at something Tetsuya can't see as he huffs and puffs to keep living, small chest clearly jerking up and down rapidly even under the sweater.

Tetsuya is pretty sure he's managed to match Nigou's erratic breathing, choking on the air and still crying in shock because today was a _good day_. He's startled out of his stupor when Nigou starts to make this awful coughing noise, worse than the time he almost got a bone stuck in his throat, with enough force to jolt his whole body. There's more blood in his drool now, his teeth turning red and the damage is clearly more extensive than he can continue to deny. Nigou is…definitely going to…

"No, no, no. Y-you-" He has to brace himself on all fours as the ground starts to rock and he feels dizzy as his heart kicks into overdrive. He's all too aware of his heartbeat, it's thundering in his ears and rapidly knocking his sternum as he tries not to pass out. Because the last thing he needs do is faint and end up like his dog when no one sees him until they notice his corpse in their rear-view mirror.

Nigou is licking at his clenched fist again, but this time he's leaving smears of opaque red like a paintbrush. "Don't leave me!" Juxtaposing his angry shout, carefully, so gently because he really could shatter beneath his fingertips, he puts a hand to Nigou's head and cards his fingers through his fur. "I-I haven't even taught you how to…to roll over…or shake hands yet!"

He watches with wide eyes as the dog shutters, then deflates with one last sigh.

They both still completely.

"Nigou? Nigou, come on _please_!" Tetsuya tries scratching behind his ears just to get them to twitch but he _knows_. He knows death is a part of life and he has a distant memory of his grandfather's funeral but never has he really experienced something really dying in his arms. He's seen crushed snails and children burn ants but he's never seen the light leave something's eyes and Nigou's blank stare will haunt him.

If he thought he was panicking before he was clearly mistaken. His already tired lungs start to work overtime, completely out of his control causing sheer terror to overtake him. He's had bouts of anxiety before but nothing this intense, he couldn't coordinate his trembling limbs and his head was filling up with the same grey static that was starting to superimpose on his vision.

Pain. Scratching always drained excessive anxiety almost immediately.

His arms felt too heavy, too foreign to control but he managed to desperately grab onto the asphalt, digging his fingers into the pockets of the weathered street. He knew little bits of gravel were embedding themselves into his skin just like they had in his knees but it wasn't enough because all he could feel was tingling and his head was still filling up, disintegrating, buzzing so loudly. He ground the meat of his fingers into the coarse surface anyways but he was still heaving, still had tunnel vision on Nigou's deadeadead eyes-

"Tetsu-kun!" Momoi's horrified scream jarred him out his trance. His chest was aching from the exertion and he felt like he had a bit more control but he didn't know how to slow down.

"Holy shit, dude what the fuck!"

"Kurokocchi stop!" God, should he expect Nijimura to bring up the rear with the rest of the old team? What were they all doing here, he only called Momoi. He supposes he should have expected Aomine to ditch the game to follow her, but dragging Kise along was excessive. The smaller amount of people who saw him like this, the better.

They were standing to his right but he couldn't turn his head to look at them, his whole body was frozen except for his hands which were still numbly scrabbling at the pockmarked ground. He could just see Momoi's dusty black shoes in the corner of his eyes until she crouched down - collapsed really – and grabbed one of his arms in a tight grip.

"Stop!" She commanded as she yanked his own hand before his eyes.

Oh.

It seems he started scratching at the asphalt.

His fingertips are bloody and covered in dirt, the nail of his left index finger is hanging on by the cuticle and as soon as he's aware of the injuries they start to hurt. His sheer surprise over the apparent damage causes him to choke on one of his rapid gasps, turning him into a sputtering mess as he coughs. From the loss of rhythm he manages to begin coming back down from his panic.

"Jesus, and they just drove off?" He glances over to see Aomine crouched down, still in his team jersey inspecting the remains of Nigou.

"Ugh…" He hears the scuff of Kise's shoes rather than see him turn away in disgust from the grizzly sight.

"What were you doing to yourself Tetsu-kun?" Momoi whispers sadly, and she's still holding his forearm but now her grip is gentle rather than restraining. Dear, sweet Momoi still brought a fully equipped first-aid kit even though he said he wasn't injured and she said Nigou was doomed. Her hand slids down his arm in a warm caress and she's cradling his hand now, a tender kind of hold a prince would take a princess' before he planted a charming kiss, and started to clean his wounds. He can taste blood but his mouth doesn't hurt, so he's left unsure if it's just his imagination or if shock is playing anesthetic.

His heart is still in his throat, pounding with such strength he can feel the arteries in his neck throbbing in time. He's not quite hyperventilating anymore but his lungs are still fluttering, shallow and swift but he's able to breathe through his nose now. Oddly enough, slowly, slowly, he starts to lose feeling in his body. His legs had fallen asleep from sitting on them a while ago and his fingers had lost sensation when his attack had started in earnest but now the feeling was spreading. His essence was getting drawn inward, his consciousness was being pulled towards his open head spilling him upward and outward.

He blinks, and he's in the air.

He somehow has a bird's eye view of himself and he watches with mute interest as his body – and how bizarre it is to see himself outside of a mirror – slumps over sideways into Momoi's lap. It's so odd, he can feel himself leaning against her and hear her calling his name but all he can do is roll his head towards NIgou with no effect on his aerial perspective. From up here he can see Aomine wearing gloves that were probably from Momoi's kit, carefully flipping the hood of his sweater over Nigou's head as he seemed to ponder if there was a respectful way to scrape a dog off the road and bundle him up. Still rather green in the face, Kise comes kneels in front of him looking frantic and crying 'Kurokocchi!' as he cradles his face trying to gain eye contact.

His sight is starting to darken around the edges, not like that static interference from earlier but encroaching blackness. He look at himself again as he sees – also vaguely feels – his chest heaving again, full steam ahead. That waning panic had waxed again while he was gone, or perhaps his sudden departure is what scared him back into a fit but he's so detached and faded that he can't tell at the moment. His expression is back to its usual blank but he's far from expressionless, his face is that ugly marble of red and white but pallor is starting to win out.

His own eyes are the last thing he sees before he snaps back into himself. They're wide, red-rimmed and manic, tainting his stoic mask with frozen terror. He blinks and Kise is in his face, squishing his cheeks between his soft hands while Momoi chitters away in his ears telling him to breathe, but he already is, he's breathing too much. He's about ready to vomit, he has a massive headache and he's so exhausted he's ready to sleep, even in the middle of the street but he needs to see. He needs to see Nigou one last time because after this he'll be gone for good. He'll be six feet under or left in some dumpster and he'll never see him again. That's a constant he's not ready for, he'll never be ready for.

He's almost completely blind now, the slightest blurs of moving colour in the center of his field of vision and muddled sounds come from above water but he's fighting. He tries to reach out, to flip the hood up and take one last look at his puppy but he can't tell if he even managed to twitch a finger.

Unfortunately, just as with basketball his body betrays him and he loses consciousness.

He dies in the street, struck by a car that failed to hit him.

* * *

I'msosorry

Just so we're clear, Kuroko isn't actually dead, don't worry! He just passed out/felt like he was dying.

This is a sort of beta to my multi-chapter Diagnosis, it's up now so give it a look if you have time.


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